Barriers and thoughts and things...

Friday was mainly devoted to the public performance of The Blender workshopped pieces. I was amazed that still, at the last minute, many of the performances were subject to change and improvisation, much to my surprise and probably to the detriment of the performers. They were missing that clarity of vision as well as the ability to 'own' their performance. Their insecurity showed through. One piece in particular, a parody of shamanism and meditation, was supposed to contain ots of humour elements, but took way too long to be punchy and even in performance the performer laughed at herself on stage in performance; almost a performance crime!

The lack of professionalism was apparent all over, from the bottom to the top. Unfortunate to say that after a long lunch, I had sensed that not only the workshop leaders had been drinking, but some of the students as well. This made me very tense and I wondered how the rest of the performance would come off. I also wondered where the maintenance of a sense of discipline, something I deem to be of very high value in performance of any kind (from Stanislavski to Gratowski and beyond), was and if this was not present, was the clarity of thought, structure, process and application of relevant critical and philisophical thought behind the performance?

I was attributed a certain amount of stage management and made sure people made their entrances and exits, as well as pulling and pushing curtains, putting together, arranging and choreographing the seating, as well as a certain amount of artistic encouragement and support for the nervous few. As usual there was a lot of waiting around, dipping of energy and the final push for performance.

I sense things are starting to become strained with Alexis, and I feel this is partially because she started off trying to develop a close relationship that she then sensed was outside her own comfort zones to which she promptly backed off. I have then since allowed her her distance and I feel that she might have construed this as aloofness. In turn, I feel this is part of a cultural barrier I am feeling in general about being in Canada, and I feel that this solo, intense one-to-one study would only work in two conditions; either we would have to have a very good personal relationship, or an extremely professional one. In absence of either, I have since tried to reclaim some kind of professionalism by trying to suggest activities that I can do independently, and if she so chooses to be involved with them then that is up to her. This way I can still be of assistance without making her feel uncomfortable. Hopefully this way we can negotiate some kind of working relationship.

In order to go some way to explain the culture shock and difficulties, I will attempt to explain some of the history of Quebec and the French Canadians as I have heard it from those who have experienced it (e.g. this is not meant to be an accurate historical representation, but an account of my experience of the sense of history from Alexis O' Hara and also my great aunt from Toronto who lived in Montreal until the Quebecoise demanded French supremacy):-

In the early 1990s, the Quebecoise started their rise to power in Quebec and demanded not just an equality, but a priority of French language above English, and more power to the populous French Canadians. It is true to say that the Anglophones were given better jobs and French Canadians were treated unfairly. In this new divide, Anglophones shipped out. Most moved to Toronto and Ottawa, leaving Montreal mostly populated with French Canadians, and young Canadians who were bilingual due to education and heritage. Thus, we are left with the Montreal with have today, and a residual bitterness for the Anglophones. I have been in Canada for 5 days and not one person has remarked on my accent, eccentricities, asked about where I come from in the UK or what the people are like there and I would go so far as to say they have avoided doing so. Being British is glossed over; I'm like a reminder of an embarrassing past or a horrible white oppressor. I start to wonder when the oppressed become the oppressors, does vengeance ever have a sense of forgiveness?

I also have a sense of a difference of humour. Sarcasm and wit, both what I feel are my and Britain's best qualities with humour, are largely bypassed here and they prefer obvious 'funniness'. To be honest, this makes me feel defenseless as humour is such an important part of forming friendships so I have mainly been relying on simplicity and niceties to get along. A very huge lesson to learn here is to how to survive without pretense or intricacies, but on your charm and intellect.

Although perhaps you may all too easily accuse me of being xenophobic, or generalising way too much but this is merely a representation of the cultural experience I am feeling. Above all, I feel like a spy and I want my role to be no more than that. I may facilitate, co-operate and provide an opportunity of assistance, but I mainly see myself as an outside eye to this culture. The irony is that the French Canadians are trying to 'reclaim their land'; a land that does not belong to either Anglophone or Francophone, but originally to the native Americans. If they could spot this irony, then perhaps they would retract their position on the cultural high horse and their victimised status and see themselves as the white wash that has always been prevalent.

That aside, the experience I am taking away with me is more to do with my own resourcefulness and cunning. How can you survive in a foreign country with no friends, connections and no one to rely on? I do not yet know the answer, but by the end of the placement, I think I will have definitely found out