Disguise

In order to explore the performance of the photograph some more, I asked Steve Millar if he could take some photographs of me in various different disguises, echoing Cindy Sherman but also playing with the idea of thrusting something peculiar onto the everyday. Inspired by my supervisor Sian Bonnell, I decided to juxtapose queer identity with the domestic. It also echoes Gale Force: Council House Superstar in its humdrum setting, but tries to add glamour, suspicion and also a kind of beautiful ugliness to the backdrop. Most of these shots have been taken on 35mm B and W film for hand processing, but we did do test shots in digital to see whether or not it needed flash, and if so how much. However, I can't guarantee the exposure of the film shots (which is kind of what makes it so exciting), but may be some burn techniques in the darkroom will lighten the contrast.

As an aside, it's interesting we felt the need to 'test' it in digital first so as to make sure the final film version was right instead of treasuring whatever might be committed to film. There was an interesting 'fear of loss' here and the need to ensure that whatever the outcome on print, there was still some record of it in digital.

First up, was a shot I called Shame-O-Vestism:

Shame-O-Vestism

Drag – or even any kind of dressing up – involves some elaborate kind of ritual: make up, dress earrings, hair (or wig). I have not really played with drag to its full extent, as I think using elements of it to politicise the queer identity is much more interesting than to play to gender stereotypes that fall into some kind of 'gender binary' homonormative perspective of this particular genre. Here, I decided to show the state in between fully dressed up and naked, male and female, and glamour and the banal. I wanted the photo to feel as though the person had just been 'caught' by the viewer: that they had walked in on this bathroom scene where they were in a transitional state and hence the anger arises.

The towel serves as a kind of 'wig'; though there is no indication of long, feminine hair, the style of towel wrap points towards a complicated ritual of gender-typical dress. There were also little touches I intentionally implemented to give hints of glamour-aspiration, such as the glass costume jewellery bracelet, and the pearls spilling from a handbag in my lap. This is essentially grated against by more industrial, domestic elements such as the lock on the door, the tiling in the bathroom and the vague view of towels over the bath. Even the hairy arms seem to offset the aspiration of the figure in this picture. The effect is an annoyance on the intrusion of such a ritual and that we always need to see the finished product or the illusion, rather than the process or transition.

In many ways, this picture also represents a 'mid-point' of a gesture – the one between male and female. As a contrast, the actual underlying gesture becomes one of anger, shame and annoyance: something that is not quite ready or finished. The bathroom setting also gives it the illusion of the gritty 'truck driver' drag that is never quite convincing in its authenticity.

Domesticity's A Drag

This photograph tries to incorporate more glamour, but balances it with everyday elements. Here, I'm actually wearing something from the 'Mother of the Bride' collection by wedding dress designer Ian Stuart, suggesting a sense of overblown occasion along with square Hollywood style sunglasses, complemented by the touch of pearls. Again, there is no wig worn to make it obvious that this is a man, but in order to inject an intervention on the everyday activity of ironing, it is the wig that is being straightened under the iron, which again connotes a sense of preparation for an event. Perhaps the image suggests a prelude to the drag as in Shame-O-Vestism – that the figure is preparing to make a debut. I also feel there's some kind of reverie-like quality to this image: the figure in the photo stares off into the lens as though they are dreaming of a better life beyond the ironing, as one is prone to doing when engaging in a repetitive task. Perhaps they are even trying to convince the viewer of their inherent glamour.

Keeping It In the Closet

Playing with a traditionally more masculine figure in shirt and tie, but accentuating features with make up and wearing a wig to provide a level of difference. This image echos one of Sherman's Untitled Film Still actions, with her taking a book off of a shelf. But instead the figure is taking out another costume, perhaps transitioning from formal to casual wear. There is a surreptitious tone to the image: the figure looks to the side to check whether or not he is being watched and whether anyone will notice his transition. The cluttered wardrobe adds to the effect. Clothes are discarded and spill out, threatening to reveal themselves, but remain densely packed in the same space. I feel this image would have been boosted if the item he is holding would have been a dress or perhaps even some kind of fetish object, like a leather harness or gimp mask, providing a level of perversion to its suburban ethos.

Preparing, dressing and posing for one shot can be a lengthy process and sometimes the slightest detail can add to the mise-en-scene of the still. It is essential to get the set just right. In these examples, I think of Shame-O-Vestism, and even the touch of the bracelet or getting the lock of the bathroom door in the shot can add another level, or an extra dimension to the underlying meaning of the photograph. It's important to consider all these elements in composition – missing one thing out means the viewer misses whatever the artist is trying to convey.

Originally, I wanted these shots to be a series of guerilla performances that were interventions on the urban landscape, but I found that gaining permissions and setting up scenarios is a similarly lengthy process. I feel, however, that this could still be done and would validate the actuality of the performance behind the image. I like this concept of the image being an intervention on the general perception of 'the real' that conflicts, confuses and delights the viewer.

The composition was much easier when someone else was holding the camera too, though the possibility of having a tripod is not ruled out either. In these shots, I feel like I played the role of 'artistic director' and negotiated the concept with someone else having their finger on the shutter.

I think there are many concepts at play here that deserve more investigation: the juxtaposition of queer identity and the everyday, the underlying absurdism of the images that arises from that and the structured versus liveness/performance-in-motion composition and how that impacts on the performativity of the image.

One thing that could have more discourse is the analogue and digital methods used to capture these. I've yet to see the prints, but the fact that we felt we needed to have a digital 'back-up' speaks volumes and really reinforces the arguments behind the 'disappearance' of performance and the need to document this. Even though these were specifically for camera, the fear that through analogue it may not turn out perfectly amplifies that – as we are in a digital age of instant gratification – we need immediate feedback on what we're doing.