The King of Beauty in rehearsal

Since investigating my piece, the King of Beauty, a lot of notions have come to me both through feedback and through investigating the notions and connotations of this word. The biggest surprise is when, whilst wearing make up, I performed a scratch performance of it that lasted about ten minutes and someone described it as 'misogynistic'.

I found this intriguing. The references I made in this short piece were feminine, for example at one point I talk about getting the wrong Barbie for Christmas, or being called a slut, and then it struck me that these people associated these things as gender specific. In my mind, I had found them equally applicable, laudable and laughable about both men and women.

In a way, that has challenged my own beliefs and preconceptions of 'femininity' and 'adrogyny'. Unfortunately, femininity is placed in the line of 'that which is not masculine'. Androgyny is something that escapes the general concensus- for example, that which is not masculine is feminine, that which is not feminine is an imitation of masculinity. Masculinity seems to have defined terms and rigorous structure, making it difficult to achieve any sort of masculine 'ideal'.

It then gave me a slight insight into the objetification of women. I've been listening to a lot of Karen Finley of late, which could explain my change in performance style and focus.

Of course, I am hesitant to make blanket statements. I think for someone as liberal as me, to be confronted with such a gender defined term that I feel is something I am a million miles away from has been an experience, and something to delve into and explore.

Exploring cyberspace

I've recently been researching cyberspace and the possibilities of performing within the "virtual" world of Second Life. Whilst becoming entrenched in a pile of books and journals, I started to ask how 'real' is digital reality? I came across a very interesting theory by Slavoj Zizek about the 'reality' of cybersex. If sexual contact is already phantasmic in the sense that the body of the other person serves merely as a vessel onto which we project our sexual desires, then cybersex surely serves the same function making it as real as any other kind of sexual contact.

This got my trail of thought going... If we act/ perform/ create in real-time in a different digital reality, then it is no less real than the physical or biological which we pin the word 'real' on to. I started to resent using the words 'real' and 'virtual' to distinguish between the physical world and Second Life.

However, I am slightly concerned that doing away with the physical body would strip us of the ability to subconciously perform identities through our body. For example, an embodied, engendered feminist performance, or performing culture through our physicality. Is it lost? Is creating new and multiple online identities immoral or does it create a new way of 'interfacing' with yourself?

And how do we define 'liveness'- the essence of performance art? Does it mean live-through-presence, or does it represent live-through-time-based-moments? I feel it could (and has already) start to divide performance artists in what they feel is essential to this umbrella term.

There are two sides of the debate- where a move towards 'body as information' represents a fear and loathing of the weak, mortal body and a quest to embed ourselves in the machine versus the fear of the omnipotence of the machine. But perhaps by representing our 'imagined selves' we do simulate a part of what we try to capture on stage- always playing this 'imagined other' who we never really are.

Second Life is relatively new in the performance art world, and I think its potential will be realised very soon. It will be interesting how it moves forward, and what that means in bringing its conciousness to the public forum.

Love Is A Number

I have been working on a performance piece called 'Love Is A Number' to perform at the Scenepool at Camden People's Theatre in February, and I have been surprised at how a few words can really challenge your whole behaviour. In the piece I talk about taking risks, and I thought it would be totally unfair of me to ask the audience to take more risks if I myself have not been risking anything. I had decided to 'practice what I preach'.

So, of late, I have been acting on those surreptitious smiles and casual glances and, believe me, it is like walking through life with your eyes open. So perhaps my theory that love is a numbers game is correct- the more impulses you act on, the closer you get to hitting that magical number...

However, if I ever do crack the mathematical formula to falling in love, I'm publishing a book and making my millions off of it.

The last day

The last part of my placement culmniated in seeing Alexis perform live in Montreal at a 'Words and Music' night. It was strange because Alexis' soundscape technique was used by another artist, but in a more structured way. After reviewing all of her documentation and learning about her practice, it was the perfect way to end the placement. Knowing that most of the time she is improvising in sound and in speech made the live moment more compelling. It also emphasised the difference between documentation and 'liveness'; an issue I have reseached avidly and with enthusiasm. It reinforced the performance artist's notion of liveness.

I also managed to speak to one of her friends who disclosed to me that Alexis had appreciated my time here, which made it all the more worthwhile.

Boot camp with more boot...

After the second day of the Boot Camp workshop, I feel more enthused about my creative work. The focus really was on drive and getting it out there. I feel like all artists have the same struggle; creativity is 50% of the work, and the other 50% is composed of all the other administrative tasks that go with that. Ivan Coyote was really effective at passing on a passion for writing and the easy and attainable way of getting a complete work done. The thing to bear in mind is that whatever work you do today will be more work than you had done yesterday and it's a positive step towards getting to the end.

Although it feels like this is 'stuff you should know', knowing that it is practical advice from a writer that employs these techniques gives it some kind of gravitas, making it seem publishable and attainable. A little work each day will eventually go a long way.

The workshop was good enough to make me want to start writing something right now...

Writing dates...

As it is the 'week end', I decided to continue my artistic development by joining a writer's workshop that was part of the 'Edgy Women' festival taken by novelist Ivan Coyote. It was called 'Boot Camp for Procrastinators' and really it was a refreshing take on those things you should already know about writing, and how to motivate yourself to write. The most imprtant thing was deadlines; I know I work really well to deadlines so I must create this sense of urgency to get it finished. Also, it's much easier to disappoint someone else rather than yourself, so if you make a deadline for you, you are unable to keep it. Make a deadline with someone else, and it's more likely that you will stick to it.

The rules are applicable to my performance work too. I must have the discipline to see thing through to the end, find out what distracts me and remove it, then have these mini deadlines so that I can keep going and create this urgency. Another important thing is 'first draft'. No matter how hard it is, as long as you have a completed draft you can always go back and revise later.

It was really inspirational; it's really made me want to write and get things done for a change. I think I've felt it before, but being at this stage in my life where I have taken steps to improve my creative career like, for example starting my MA, these practical tips mean a lot more to me. I have a story to tell, but it's always easy not to tell it than to commit it to paper and provide the discipline to make yourself heard. These simple little steps could become habit in the long run and improve the way I approach my work.

Cataloguing, compiling...

After 2 and a half days of reviewing documentation (!), the next half of the third day was spent cataloguing and making notes for Alexis. I also made her a DVD of what I thought were the 'best bits' and colour coded the tapes so that each colour represented a different performance outlet (like performance poetry, live music, theatrical et cetera). I later quizzed Alexis on the footage and she told me that most (not some) of her work is actually improvised, and that scripting her next piece is a challenge. I said to her perhaps that she should just have some key lines to go back to and improvise around them rather than totally throw it out the window. After all, this her performance 'style'.

I also went to see 'Hot Hot Gossip' by Dayna Macleod as part of the 'Edgy Women' festival. It was a lesbian theatrical soap opera, and was very sexually explicit, but enjoyable. I was in a dilemma as to the politics, or in this instance the lack of, staging a lesbian drama. Queer plays were initially staged to counter and introduce queer politics, but now I think it is possible we could be 'post-politics'. I suppose that could be a thing to celebrate... But I'm starting to sense a very big lesbian influence in the performance scene here. Alexis' contemporaries have also suddenly become very interested in me and asking me about myself... And why I have chosen to come to Montreal. I think it really reflects more on her than it does me!

I am now back to researching record labels that will be of use to Alexis